Ha! The joke's on that fat cat, the high-level executive who's stretching his legs in the rear seat of the 2012 Jaguar XJL Supersport.
Sure, he's enjoying five extra inches of legroom in this long-wheelbase Jag while a chauffeur handles the driving. And he gets to flip down the rear tray and open the laptop, click on Morningstar and see how much he's earned already today.
Dang sun - tap the rear power sunshade. Now, let's kick back; yes, the rear seats recline. Maybe there's time to flip on the rear-seat massage feature, too.
What - we're almost there? OK, just flip down the rear vanity mirror and fluff the hair. Ah, perfect.
It may be nice and comfy and elegant back there. But not nearly as nice - not even close - as grabbing the sweet, wood-trimmed steering wheel and taking charge of this magnificent wildcat out on the road. With 510 horses leading the charge and the agility of, well, a jaguar, those backseat execs just aren't living.
Sometimes you just need to take some time out to smell the horsepower.
Step on the accelerator and the XJL sprints to 60 mph at a track-tested 4.2 seconds, 0-100 mph in 9.6 seconds. In fact, its acceleration off the line may be a little strong for some. That early pounce from the pedal takes some getting used to.
The quarter-mile can be had in 12.5 seconds, reaching a speed of 114 mph.
The XJL has a torque rating of 471 pound-feet at 2500 rpm. Midrange punch is amazing, taking just over 2 seconds from 30 to 50 mph and from 50 to 70 mph. And you wanna ride in the backseat?
Built on a lightweight aluminum chassis, the XJL is surprisingly agile for big car. Great steering feedback and adaptive suspension can also be credited for that.
Select the "dynamic" driver setting and it gets even more energetic with swifter throttle response and quicker downshifts.
Engaging the six-speed tranny is still done with the signature pop-up knob that turns to the desired gear. The German guys remain a step ahead with seven- and eight-speed transmissions. But you can take more control of shifts with the tap of a finger on the paddle shifters.
Steering is irresistibly crisp and accurate. This Jag knows where you want to be and responds obediently.
Performance aside, the XJL is as stunning as a runway model. It is long and sleek, with a blunt nose and low cowl, and a fastback-like rear roofline. The sacrifice for that sweeping rear is in rear visibility, but it's not a serious issue.
Besides, once inside, you'll be distracted by the XJL's elegance. It not only is dramatic in style but the craftsmanship and attention to detail are unmatched even by supercar standards.
Rich leather covers much of the interior, from the seats to the dash and door panels. Exquisite wood trim - several tree types are offered - sweeps around the entire interior and is accented by chrome and black trim.
At front-center is a large touch screen that controls the electronics. It is easy enough to use once you get used to it but tends to be a little slow to respond. A nav system is standard on the Jag, though I struggled to get a quick route suggestion.
Virtual gauges are bright and easy to read. And an optional 20-speaker Bowers & Wilkins surround-sound audio system, with Led Zeppelin rocking out, will knock your socks off. Or Brahms, if that's your bag.
Rear-seaters are treated to every luxury, as aforementioned; seats are power-reclining. DVD screens are situated in the rear of the front-seat headrests.
Cargo room is adequate and comparable to Jag's foes at around 15 cubic feet.
All XJLs get ABS, traction and stability control, and front, side and side-curtain air bags. That's standard. So is a blind-spot warning system. Opt for the adaptive cruise control and you also get collision alert system with brake assist.
The XJL gets all the lovely features of the XJ, plus the rear-seat goodies that are optional on the XJ. It also gets front and rear parking sensors, rear view camera, bi-xenon headlights, power trunk lid and huge sunroof.
But also standard in the XJL is Jaguar's Portfolio package, also optional on the XJ, which adds more leather accents, upgraded headliner and seats that massage while you drive.
Sure, it may be easy to let all this luxury go to your head and jump in that cushy rear seat. But, with the XJL's power and performance, why would you want to take a back seat to anyone?