Published March 14. 2013 2:00PM Updated March 14. 2013 3:40PM
And the advice is this: Please go away, or be a big boy and learn how to behave in public. Your nonsense is clogging up my news wire, and I have far more important stuff to look up.
I promise I have zero use for Justin Bieber. Probably because I'm older than the age of 12. I do my best to politely ignore his "music" and public shenanigans, but now he's gone and interruped my artistic asceticism. Apparently enough stupid behavior will land you on legitimate news wires, and it was the Associated Press who delivered this headline unto me: "Bieber rants about 'lies' in Instagram post."
I shouldn't have looked, but I was intrigued by the bizarro factor of someone having a public sulk via (mainly photo-sharing site) Instagram.
Nothing Bieber says in his now-deleted post actually matters. Per the AP, Bieber is "'tired of all the countless lies in the press right now,'" denying rumors that he's going to rehab." As my colleague Kathleen Edgecomb likes to say, "Somebody call the whaaambulance." P.S. Biebs recently collapsed backstage during a London concert and canceled a show in Portugal, thereby short-changing his fans.
Still, who cares, right? You get what you pay for, you crazy Beliebers.
But then there was this part of the post: "I'm 19 and it must be scary to some people to think that this is just the beginning." (It gets worse).
It's scary alright, but not in the way he's suggesting. I predict a Charlie Sheen-style breakdown before he's old enough to legally drink. They'll probably team up in the way Sheen proposed doing with the troubled (but not nearly so bratty) Lindsay Lohan.
That is scary and/or another sign of the apocolypse.
And it's a sad state of affairs when I feel compelled to defend the hapless Lohan, who actually has some talent and cred (much of it courtesy of the ever-awesome Tina Fey), but Bieber's final thoughts-as-Instagram were, according to the AP, "...a jab at Lindsay Lohan, suggesting any comparison between the two was wrong. Before deleting the line, he wrote, 'Look at her 2012 tax statements.'"
Here's hoping he bumps into her sometime soon at some after-after-party in L.A. As Biebs seems fond of a good scrap*, should they have an altercation, my money's on LiLo all the way.
*Warning: eff-bombs abound in this clip. Also, how on earth does anyone expect to look tough in that ridiculous hat?
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