Young mother needed to hear 'You're better than that' after abusive relationships

Qunita Tyler of New London says when you're at the bottom, you can come back up.A chatty 27-year-old with smiling brown eyes, Tyler cradled her 8-month-old son, Yevian, as she told her story recently in a conference room at Sound Community Services.Six years ago, the Department of Children and Families took custody of her other son and daughter and placed them in foster homes after she was involved in an altercation with the son's father.Her boyfriend had hurt her daughter, and Tyler said she waited a full day to take the child to the hospital because she was afraid of him. She was arrested and charged with risk of injury to a minor. She said she took full responsibility for her actions and was sentenced to two years of probation. The boyfriend was sentenced to eight years.She started attending the AXS program at Sound Community Services, where she underwent therapy as she began healing. She would get into yet another abusive relationship, and more trouble, before beginning to finally heal from the trauma and isolation she had experienced and being reunified with her children.She said she's never really had stable relationships, but is learning to set boundaries."The men here (at Sound Community Services) tell me, 'You're better than that,'" she said. "I tell them, 'You're right.'"Her DCF social worker also was supportive of her."The way she would talk to me was like, 'I'm a mother. I understand. But you gotta get your (expletive) together,'" Tyler said.Tyler was working at Dunkin Donuts before she gave birth to Yevian. She volunteers as an organizer for Step Up New London, a parent-led group that advocates for student and parent rights. She sells tie-dye hats, shirts and bandanas through Yazbiz, a state Department of Mental Health and Addiction Services program for young adults. She's also involved with Safe Futures, an agency that supports victims of domestic violence.She doesn't drive but said she is working on getting her license. Meanwhile, she walks everywhere with her son in a stroller.Tyler is one of the superstars at Sound Community Services, involved in everything, said Errol P. Maurice, director of residential and young adult services.She said Tyler now is able to support the younger women at SCS."They cling to me and ask me for everything," she said. "I feel useful. I tell people, 'Use me.' I'd rather do something positive."Her long-term plan, she said, is to stay committed to making the community better and working to give young people a voice.k.florin@theday.com